There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
