Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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