i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
