i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hippo gnu deer
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
