I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I did not marry a roomba.
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