all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
