a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
