if you like me you must not know who I am
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
