doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
