So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
