I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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