I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She announced her abortion via fbk
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
