Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
