how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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