Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Screwed.edu
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
smell my finger.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
