I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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