Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
