Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
