I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
