I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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