I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So squirting runs in the family.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
