I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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