So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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