Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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