Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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