it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
