oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
