John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
