i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
