my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Welp...herpes.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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