he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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