i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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