So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
