Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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