chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
