Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
