There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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