1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Quick, to the slutcave!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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