after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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