i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
