I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
