Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone came in the potted fern
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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