so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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