I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
