If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just google imaged poop.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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