How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
