At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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