We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
