so explain again why im purple
no
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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