we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
did you just send me my own nude
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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