Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
