My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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