Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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