you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
