Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
