So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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