Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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