It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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