I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
