Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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