I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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