This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am mentally ready for anal.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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