escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
