you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
