The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we're making bets on your personal life
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
