The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.