how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep