i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.