i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.