3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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