Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.