And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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