the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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