Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
