You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
