someone threw a dead crab at me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements