I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
