i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
