member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no you cant smoke seaweed
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
