I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
