just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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