I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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