last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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