So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
