I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's just like the Real World with babies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
