i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
