Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
