I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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