Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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