when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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