Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
