nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
