but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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