Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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