Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
