im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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